I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My ass is underappreciated
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
