You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
