nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
