Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
