it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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