My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
