sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
God I need to hump something, right now.
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