I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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