She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
