I heard we made out
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
