Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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