please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
