I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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