I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
