dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
