She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
