I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
