The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
