i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
