Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
