We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
