Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
