She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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