I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
