go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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