Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Is Oprah even human
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
