How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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