i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
