Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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