Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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