who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize