If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
