For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize