Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
