i jhust puked up my retainher.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
