I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
