if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
and you fell through a lawn chair
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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