I want to have your abortion
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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