There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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