I wannas sexs uuuuu
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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