I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
