we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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