I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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