Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We need to get me chipped asap
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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