Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
