At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
