i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
