it hurts more in the daytime
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
