you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
