Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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