Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
