Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
NoShamevember. You game?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
