You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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