So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm determined to sit on that face.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
