is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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