your thong is hanging out like whoa
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
