I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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