So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize