i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
