9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
