I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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