please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
