we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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